Jerry Timms

We’re back from One Mighty Weekend in Orlando! I had a fantastic time and we are recovering quite easily and nicely from our party marathon week away from home. I won’t go through the details of all the parties…just do yourself a favor and go. Some year before you die, ok?

This week I visited my accountant to pick up my personal and corporate tax returns. I have to tell you, so much stress was lifted off my shoulders when I discovered that I didn’t have to pay nearly as much as I thought I would. In fact I don’t think I realized how much stress it was actually putting on me for the last few months, because I relaxed immediately after finding out how minimal the damage was. Sometimes you don’t realize how unhappy you are about something until you experience the rebound happiness that comes from having the situation fully resolved.

It reminded me of a time earlier in the week when I saw a sad look on Anthony’s face. I noticed him looking at something at Downtown Disney, and knew that he was distressed about some of his own financial troubles. I wanted to tell him that it’s just money, and he shouldn’t worry about it so much. It will more than likely resolve itself far faster than he thinks. I didn’t tell him anything, because I didn’t want to upset him further. And I waited until he told me about later until I said something.

So today I started thinking about how much all of our troubles really are just temporary.

I’d like to brag about how I know this for sure because I’m older than you, or wiser than you, or that I’m smarter than you because I’ve just figured out this realization out on my own. But none of those things are true…I’m thinking about this right now because of how ridiculously happy I am with my life!

Anthony is doing some family things tonight, and I just got back home from spending some time with Rich and Justin at the mall. So I’m having a little snack and sitting down at the computer to see what comes out of this little writing exercise.

The house is quiet. I mean, it’s not, I’m playing some dance music on the living room stereo. But things are unusually quiet and, well maybe still is a better word for how it feels.

I haven’t really gone into it very much, but my life is totally different now than it was before I started seeing Anthony. We’ve pretty much been spending all of our free time together. In fact I’m leaving soon for a two and a half day work trip, and that will be the longest I’ve gone without seeing him for awhile.

That fact alone is kind of amazing to me, because I have been in some pretty long relationships before but I would never be able to say something like that. Even after a few years in the last one I don’t think we ever spent more than 3 or 4 days continuously together. That wasn’t necessarily my choice, because I know we used to fight a lot about how I thought he needed a little too much space. We pretty much just spent time together on the weekends, and then talked on the phone the other days.

Well, there’s definitely something different going on with this relationship. I have a lot of feelings about it, and surprisingly they aren’t really all that complex. It’s just fun to spend time with him. We like to do a lot of the same things, we have similar personalities, and we understand each other. There’s a lot of physical attraction. And time apart doesn’t feel like a break; it feels like time apart.

It’s kind of funny because on nights like this I suddenly remember that he doesn’t live here. I’m so used to having him around that I forget I actually live alone. In fact he called me while I was at the mall today because he wasn’t sure he had any clothes at his house to wear tonight to go pick up his brothers, and I kind of drew a blank about what to do because for some reason this wasn’t a problem I imagined having to encounter today. For a few different reasons…that he would not have a way to get into my house (a formality I forgot to take care of earlier), and that he would be getting dressed somewhere other than at my house.

We have a big vacation coming up that I’m excited about. I’m glad he’s coming and I’m also curious how he’s going to like it, since it’s a pretty busy party weekend. We went to San Francisco a few weeks ago to see Bernard, so this will be our second trip. The trip to San Francisco was really fun, but short. It will be nice to get away for longer, and to really have more time to relax. And by relax, I mean as much drinking and dancing as possible. I’m also looking forward to seeing some friends I haven’t seen for awhile, like Philip who’s been in a mysterious nesting mode lately.

In some ways I feel like “vacation” has already started for me, because I’ll be away for business for a few days and then I’m barely back at all until we leave for the real vacation. The business trip is really important, but I’m not too worried about it and I think it will go fine. Part of it will actually be interesting because I’m going somewhere I’ve never been before, and it will be fun to check out the city after work is done.

Today I received one of those automated political survey calls. Much to my surprise (or sadly not), it was regarding another gay marriage amendment to the Arizona Constitution that is planned to be proposed this coming November. Surely they’re freaked out about the recent California action being so close to our state! There were questions in the survey to that effect. Remember that the last amendment failed here in 2006, with the organizers of that initiative vowing to return with greater numbers in the next election (which happens to be in 6 months).

Well, they’ve been gathering signatures hoping to get it once again on the next ballot. They don’t have enough yet, but they do have until early July to get them all. And if history tells us anything, it’s that there are at least 200,000 nutjobs in Arizona that will support something like this.

I need to tell you guys that I have a source in a local news organization that has informed me that a group supporting the amendment has been buying up internet domain names left and right. It seems that a rogue organization deployed a bunch of smear websites in 2006 that ruined their reputation, and so this year they’re planning several counterfeit opposition websites to smear the “no” campaign!

What really worries me is that they have literally bought every single possible proposition-related domain name. I guess the Secretary of State legally has to use a certain numbering scheme for constitutional related propositions, so it wasn’t hard for them to figure it out and cover all their bases, even though the official proposition number hasn’t been determined. I’ve also learned that they’ve gone so far as to set up a news distribution service, retail store and podcast, and that much of this is being funded by a certain local restaurant chain.

You know what? The type of confusion, anger and pandemonium this can all cause really concerns me. Playing these games not only hurts those who sacrifice themselves and work hard to defend our rights, but trivializes the political system that has been set up to protect us. The games need to stop now. And so I’d like to announce that I will work to expose those who are behind this insane plan.

This morning the California Supreme Court declared that the State’s ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional. This effectively legalizes gay marriage in California.

For the last 3 years I’ve been making a substantial monthly contribution to Lambda Legal, as a proud Liberty Circle member. A lot of people do not realize that they are the ones fighting these ground battles. While HRC is involved with political work and supporting gay friendly candidates, Lambda Legal provides the attorneys and legal work for the court challenges like this one. Even better, any donations to Lambda Legal are tax deductible (donations to HRC are not).

Please read more about Lambda Legal and support us by clicking this link now.

Cheers! There will be many more victories like this to come!

by portishead

As she walks in the room
Scented and tall
Hesitating once more
And as I take on myself
And the bitterness I felt
I realise that love flows

Wild, white horses
They will take me away
And the tenderness I feel
Will send the dark underneath
Will I follow?

Through the glory of life
I will scatter on the floor
Disappointed and sore
And in my thoughts I have bled
For the riddles I’ve been fed
Another lie moves over

Wild, white horses
They will take me away
And the tenderness I feel
Will send the dark underneath
Will I follow?

Wild, white horses
They will take me away
And the tenderness I feel
Will send the dark underneath
Will I follow?

…said my friend Vikram at the final closing party of our White Party weekend in Palm Springs. The lights were swirling, Tony Moran was spinning something amazing, the air was hot, and our friends were smiling everywhere…

Now, let’s rewind…

One year ago I came to the White Party Palm Springs with Rich and Justin. It was my first circuit party weekend and I was the most scared and excited that I had ever been. I had an amazing time, and I met more people than I could remember.

Fast forward one year, and literally everywhere I went I ran into a familiar and smiling face. I enjoyed meeting new people and introducing old friends to new, and spending time with those I rarely see. I realized over the course of the weekend that I have more friends now at circuit events than I do in my own town, and it really is becoming sort of a new home for me.

I feel like a new person each time. Sure I’ll always be Jerry Timms, but I’m changing slowly and I’m pleased with where it’s going.

My friend Jason came with us, and it was fun to watch him experience his first circuit party. I happened to notice one of the moments on Friday night when it all came together for him. I watched as a wave of happiness/euphoria/freedom swept across his face as he realized he could be anything or anyone at that moment in time. I think he’s hooked now just like the rest of us!

The title up above isn’t exactly true, since my boyfriend Anthony wasn’t there. I found myself missing him a lot, and the thought of going to One Mighty Weekend in Orlando in six weeks without him was a little unbearable. So, I’m happy that he’s decided to go with me! I’m excited for the chance to introduce him to all my friends who aren’t here in Phoenix, and the opportunity to show him what we’re up to with all this crazy traveling.

It keeps getting better!

I have to get back to work in a bit, but I wanted to take a few minutes to write a few words down since it’s been awhile since I’ve written about anything substantial. I’m going to write about Mr. X again because things are going really well there.

Interestingly, two weekends ago I went to San Diego with Rich, Justin and Miguel, and was considering not dating him any longer when I got back. The reason was because we went to dinner the previous Thursday, and there was quite a bit of awkward silence during our date. Well, I sort of freaked out because I was worried that maybe we didn’t have enough in common to make this last.

I talked to Rich about it, and it was funny because he just sort of chuckled and said, “Oh yeah, the same exact thing happened on one of my first dates with Justin. I totally know where you’re at right now!” Rich and Justin have been together now for about 7 years.

At first I was confused by his response, especially the I totally know where you’re at right now part. Until I read between the lines. He was telling me that I’m freaking out because of my insecurity about the age difference (Rich and Justin have the exact same difference in age between them as we do). And sometimes an awkward silence is just an awkward silence. Hmm, I decided to give this another go.

Well I’m definitely glad I did, because after that weekend Mr. X totally opened up - as did I - and I like him more and more, and things get better and better every time I see him. Usually I’m afraid that the bad qualities of whomever I’m dating will rub off on me, but as I get to know more about Mr. X I hope that all of his qualities do.

What if I told you that you can get your entire house cleaned for about $30? Impossible you say? Just take two of these twice a day for about a week and your house will be spotless!

None of my friends have been around the last few weekends, so I’ve kind of just been doing my own thing lately. This has been great because it’s given me a chance to sort of feel my way around some new scenes.

So, I was at a party two weekends ago and the cuter, younger crowd reminded me of one of my friends. So I decided to call him and we hung out for awhile. Since then we’ve been spending most of our free time together, and he shall now be referred to as Mr. X…

But let’s back up a bit. A few months ago Rich and I were talking about boyfriends, and about how I was disappointed over someone or another (I honestly can’t remember who we were talking about at the moment). Rich told me something that really stuck with me ever since. He said that I would probably end up with someone I least expect. I thought this was odd, because I’ve always prided myself in knowing exactly what I want. So how could I end up with someone I least expect?

Last weekend I was out with Mr. X, and I kept expecting to find something wrong with him - or at the very least something that might prove that we didn’t have enough in common, or that he was in some other way not a good fit for me. But, that didn’t happen and I really enjoyed every moment with him, and felt so at ease and happy to be around him.

What’s really interesting about all this is how much I’ve learned about myself in the last couple weeks. Mr. X is not my typical “type” and is so much the opposite of this that I even found it a little awkward to talk about him to Jerry. I thought Jerry might think I’m crazy for pursuing this. But what’s crazy is that Mr. X has managed to show me in just a couple weeks that I may have been totally wrong about what I’ve been looking for.

I’ve typically been looking for someone my age or older, preppy and successful (with career, finances, etc.). However, I’m usually disappointed with guys because they end up being either boring, emotionally unavailable or unexpressive, romantically scarred, too busy to be bothered with dating…or some combination of two or more of those attributes.

I think I got it into my head a long time ago that I was only interested in older guys because I was generally way ahead of most of my peer group in terms of career, home and other life stages. After dating some guys who were rather flaky and emotionally immature I decided that my odds of finding someone more compatible with me would be higher if I limited myself to an older age group.

From there followed the bulk of my dating history which included guys who were so busy (the lawyers were the worst about this) that they could barely be bothered to go on a proper date or stay up past ten o’clock at night, guys who were so uptight with social anxiety that they couldn’t be in a crowd larger than a dozen people, and guys who were so romantically and emotionally injured from past relationships that they could never have committed to anything more than tenuous dating. Not all of them were like this, sometimes things just didn’t click fully into place.

Well, I’ve met someone who is none of these things. I can look in his eyes and tell that although he’s had some disappointments, he hasn’t given up. He likes to go out and have fun like I do. He hasn’t determined the rest of his life so rigidly that it’s going to be impossible to figure out how to fit me into it. And when he kept our first date even though he actually had strep throat, but didn’t want to cancel…well, he pretty much had me there. And with his edge and emotional depth that I find so incredibly sexy, I can’t keep my hands off him when he’s around me. If this works out to be a long term thing then you’ll meet him!

So there you go, as you can tell I’m gushing over this guy right now. I haven’t taken leave of my senses…I know it’s only been a couple weeks. Although I can tell you that I’m very excited because it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way and learned so much about myself before. Those flashing lights come from everywhere. I’m in a little bit of a haze because everything I thought I knew about my romantic future has been swept away, and now I’m just watching to see how things unfold from here.

A few weekends ago Jerry and I were driving back to Phoenix after our weekend road trip to Los Angeles. As usual Jerry fell asleep after a few hours in the car, so I started flipping around the satellite to find something to entertain me. I eventually landed on “Doctor Radio” where there was a special edition in progress covering various infectious disease topics. Jackpot!

One of the topics that was discussed over the course of the next hour or two was information about various STDs and the vaccines that are available to prevent them. Specifically, the doctors were talking about Hepatitis A and B, and HPV (Human Papillomavirus, or genital warts). Although the show wasn’t focused on gay patients, it was mentioned that gay men are many times more likely to contract these viruses and experience complications from them. I made a mental note to follow up on this after I got settled back in at home.

After some online research was completed, I called my doctor’s office a few days later to make an appointment to come in and get some vaccinations. The voice on the other end of the line sounded a little skeptical and confused why I was calling about this. As it turned out, they did not have the HPV vaccine available, but could offer me a Hepatitis A and/or B vaccine. They would “have to figure out which ones I needed.” I made the appointment and prepared myself to pay cash for this.

Hepatitis A is quite easy to contract whenever anal sex is involved. Aside from that, it can also be contracted anywhere feces are present, such as in a public bathroom. You’re completely over it in a couple months, and you’ll probably develop immunity against future infection. Hepatitis B can be contracted from blood or bodily fluid (even saliva) contact. You can get it from kissing, it doesn’t have to be sex or drug use. It’s a lot more severe, although it’s usually self-limiting and 95% of patients will fully recover and develop immunity on their own against future infection (the other 5% develop a chronic infection that doesn’t go away and they might get liver cancer and/or cirrhosis). Chronic infection doesn’t always show symptoms, and you might not know about it until later in life when you actually get liver cancer.

So I saw the doctor this last Wednesday. He also seemed a little skeptical as to why I was there, but after I explained that I was listening to the radio show about STDs and vaccines and so “here I am,” he suddenly understood and started looking at my chart. It seemed that he had already noticed from my last liver test results that I had partial Hepatitis antibodies, but not enough to actually protect me…I had a “4 out of 10″ on whatever scale this was. So I explained that I had two out of the three required jabs about 20 years ago when I volunteered at a hospital, and did not get the third because I had stopped working there a few months later. This made sense to him and he recommended that I start over with the three jab course, and get the Hepatitis A and B combination vaccines.

I asked him if I was going to have to pay cash for this, and he said that most insurance plans will cover it and I probably didn’t need to worry about it. This was really interesting to me, because I wondered why they didn’t offer me the vaccine when I was here a few months ago for my last physical? I have a gay-friendly doctor, and so it seemed like they really ought to know the importance if this.

Anyway, he also gave me the phone number for the only clinic in the area that he knew offered the HPV vaccine. I asked him if he recommended that I get it, and he said that if he had a son he would definitely make sure he got it. I already knew from my research that it was recommended for all gay men to get it, although it has to be given “off-label” since the FDA only recommends it for women at this point in time. I made another mental note to call this other clinic when I got home.

I asked him if there were any other vaccines I could get, and added that I make no apologies for being a bit of a crazy germophobe. He replied that I could get a tetanus booster that was recommended every 10 years, although it wasn’t really necessary unless I get cut a lot as part of my job or something. Great! I told him that I never get cut, but will take what I can get and I accepted in ernest.

The doctor left, probably while writing something about my craziness in my chart, and then while later a nurse came in with two syringes. She cleaned my right shoulder and then she slowly injected the tetanus vaccine as something stirred. Wait…huh?

I awkwardly pulled up my shirt from my left shoulder as she cleaned it with a cold alcohol pad and then started to inject the Hepatitis vaccine. I confirmed that it was a combination of A and B vaccine. After she jabbed the needle in, I looked at the wrapper and saw the medical labeling. This time there was more to inject, and it burned a little. After she was done I slowly exhaled and felt a little shaky and light headed. I was hooked!

……

This afternoon I was at the Fit Health clinic to get my HPV vaccine. I waited for the admin at the desk to ask me what I was doing there getting a women’s vaccine, but she didn’t. Instead, she sheepishly asked me if I wanted to read some pages of information she had printed out for me regarding the effectiveness of the Gardasil vaccine. Didn’t she know that this was basically porn for germophobes? Of course I wanted to read it, and I scanned it as she asked me to pay my $150 for the first of what would be three doses required for full immunity.

There was of course no way that my insurance was going to cover this one. Just as the HPV virus causes almost all cases of cervical cancer in women, it causes almost all cases of anal cancer in men. Being gay and having anal sex increases your risk of anal cancer significantly. In fact you’ve probably heard this mentioned from some of the religious nutjobs as proof that homosexual sex is unhealthy - this is somewhat true, although it’s funny that they don’t mention cervical cancer as proof that heterosexual sex is unhealthy! Both involve the likelihood of the eventual transmission of one or more HPV virus strains, which cannot be prevented through condom use.

There are over 100 different strains of HPV virus out there. The Gardasil vaccine gives you immunity to four strains of the HPV virus. This doesn’t seem like much, but two of those strains (16 and 1 were selected because they are the strains that cause nearly all of the cancer, and two were selected (6 and 11) because they cause nearly all of the actual cases of genital warts. Most people have at least one strain after they have been sexually active for awhile, but the vaccine is still recommended so that immunity can be achieved against the other remaining strains. It is rare for someone to be infected with all four of those strains.

So, back to the clinic as I’m called back for my injection. Clean the shoulder, unwrap the syringe, push the needle, and…

I’m imagining recombinant viral proteins beings sprayed into my muscle tissue, proteins assembled maybe months after they were stripped from the shells of virus particles (the technology!). Before that, a process invented somewhere by lab coated medical God warriors in the bowels of the R&D department of Merck.

It burns as I visualize lymphocytes from my immune system swarming around the proteins and destroying them. Killer T cells are searching (searching!) to make sure that no cells were infected. They weren’t, this time. B cells start dividing to make millions of new antibodies and spread them through my whole body. B cells and T cells now remember the virus and will overwhelm it the next time it’s encountered.

I feel like Neo in The Matrix. “I know Kung Fu.”

The nurse discards the syringe and asks me if I want a call in two months to help me remember to come in for my second injection.

“Sure,” I manage to say to her. But I don’t need it.